Hype for Homecoming: Spider-Man 3

Part 3 of 5: Jazz hands and tears

[WARNING: Posts of this nature aren’t traditional “reviews”. Expect the following: spoilers, potentially mindless ramblings, lack of proper sentence structure, and profane language. There is a summary section at the end of the bullet points that you can skip to for convenience.]

*Inhales*….”Spider-Man 3″…is…a movie that exists. I’m going to try to get through this keeping as much sanity as I can, but this movie essentially boils down to being way too scattered and it just ends up feeling like butter spread out over too much bread. Look, I don’t think this movie is one of the atrociously bad comic-book movies of the 2000’s. Even if you look at the other two that came out in 2007, its “Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer” and “Ghost Rider”…yeah, those were way worse. What I DO think is that this is the first example of a comic-book movie having insane hype, but tries to do way too much and falls flat on its face…regardless of if these were decisions by Sony or some other external factor interfering with Raimi’s work, OR if it was just a huge goof by Raimi himself. I actually discussed this in a previous post you can find here where I name the phenomenon after THIS movie…and for good reason. In any case…*sigh* here we go.

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Oh sure, SPIDER-MAN’S ARCH-NEMESIS FROM THE COMICS, show up in the last 30 minutes of the movie! GENIUS.
  • Okay the first act of this movie actually feels like a Raimi Spider-Man movie, we establish where our characters are, there’s a few nice moments between them, we get a fight between Peter and Harry (as the new Green Goblin), and it actually feels like the movie has gracefully taken off…and then we get to the “Harry memory loss” subplot and you kinda start to think “well…what now?” TWO OTHER VILLAINS, A LIFETIME DRAMA, AND BAD DANCING, THATS WHAT!
  • The whole idea to put Sandman in this movie actually sums up how I feel about this movie. Its a weird mix of moments that worked, stuff that made no sense, and stuff that made me think that ANYONE in the writer’s room could’ve pointed out a way to do it better. EXAMPLE: Scene where Sandman is materializing and trying to grab his daughter’s locket? Works for me, good moment supplemented by the score. Making Sandman aka Flint Marko be the “real” Uncle Ben’s murderer? Makes no sense when you put that sub-plot to bed a LONG time ago…why go back to alter the turning point of the first movie? Scene where these scientists conduct the experiment anyway thinking “the change in the mass is just a bird that will fly away”?…a screenwriting intern could’ve spoken out against this. What. The. Fuck. EVEN I KNOW that is a GIANT no-no in any laboratory/test of ANY kind.
  • Why…DEAR GOD WHY…does Peter decide to kiss Gwen in front of MJ? Yes, it makes sense for him to get a little cocky, but what the hell were the writers thinking making Spidey SO OUT OF CHARACTER here? The entire MJ drama and eventual love-triangle with Harry just blows and seems so out of place, if you ask me that’s what brings this movie down the most. A lot of other things are forced too, but this made the LEAST amount of sense.
  • Let’s talk about the Symbiote. I don’t think including it in the movie was a bad call itself, but the way it was handled just seemed choppy. Probably due to the conflicting sub-plots and having to find a way to jam this piece of the puzzle in to a space that doesn’t exactly fit? I mean even if you just had Harry be the villain, yeah you could fit the Symbiote in…and the scenes with Black-suit Spider-Man are cool…but, again…too much, too scattered, blaahh.
  • In a series with such great casting…Topher Grace’s casting as Eddie Brock is just the fucking worst. The only reason I’m okay with a standalone Venom reboot is because I can forget about this version….unless Sony fucks the new one up too.
  • I just finished the part where Harry’s manipulation of Peter and MJ’s relationship is done and he tells Peter “I’m the other guy” (WHO THOUGHT THIS SUBPLOT WAS A GOOD IDEA??). Aside from Harry suddenly becoming Batman and vanishing in to thin air, I’m gonna just end this with a bullet each for what was cool and what pissed me off.
  • What I liked: The suit-less fight between Harry and Peter is really cool…and has some real tension. Would’ve been cooler if Peter didn’t decide to be emo and look like the lead singer of a punk band; Peter ripping off the symbiote in the church is a well-done scene; Spidey teaming up with Goblin Jr. to fight Sandman and Venom is dope, nice to see superheroes team up in the pre-avengers era.
  • What sucked: Jazz choreography…dear LORD this entire part at the Jazz club just didn’t need to happen. You mean to tell me there was NO OTHER WAY Peter could hurt MJ and realize what he’s become? Anyone?; Fucking BUTLER-EX-MACHINA finally telling Harry that his dad was a psycho that killed himself. How did the Butler even know what Harry was going through? Just because Norman died by his own glider doesn’t exactly prove much…I mean someone else could’ve still done that to him. Why wouldn’t the Butler have just told Harry that in the first place? These guys are rich as fuck, did NO ONE perform an autopsy to see exactly how he died? 2.5 movies worth of Harry growing to hate Peter is undone by ONE piece of exposition from his BUTLER??; Wait so now NO ONE killed Uncle Ben? I seriously don’t know why they did this, “random robber” is SO MUCH EASIER than this entire ordeal with Flint…ugh.
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ALL OF MY TEARS.

Look, I don’t HATE “Spider-Man 3”. Obviously, it has its problems that seemed really avoidable..like if someone told you there’s a brick wall in front of you, you clearly see it, but you bump in to it lightly anyway. When you actually figure out what’s going on (which takes multiple watches) and forgive the stupidity, you can at least enjoy the movie. Despite things that made less sense, AT LEAST characters still had motives and I understood why they were doing things..which is more than I’ll be able to say for the next two parts in my Spidey series. For a movie that at least tried to give us something, but gave us other things are unforgivable…I’m giving “Spider-Man 3” a 6/10. 

Alright, this concludes the reign of Tobey McGuire as Spider-Man…and no matter what happens with the character, I would like to just thank him for being MY Spider-Man..and he always will be. Come back next time because now we’re moving on to the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man and that’s…well…it’ll be fun for you, not for me.

 

 

Power Rangers – Movie Review

Hold on to your power morphers.

HEADS UP!

  • This review was “pre-gamed” in a previous post! If you’d like to read up on some juicy background and what I was looking for when I walked in the theater, click here!
  • This review contains NO major plot spoilers. Other easter-eggs and points already public on the internet before the release may be discussed. Enjoy!

“Power Rangers” is directed by Dan Israelite and is a story about 5 struggling teenagers who end up becoming armor-clad superheroes to save the world from evil. Unless you lived under a rock during your childhood, you also know that this is another big-screen reboot of an extremely popular kid’s show, and that caused many to audibly groan when they first heard this was happening.

I really don’t know what to say, guys. I genuinely didn’t expect this movie to be so…GOOD. I know the Tomatometer is rating it pretty low, but if you don’t know what the tomatometer actually is by now PLEASE remember that it is an aggregate score of all the reviewers that chose to critique the movie and if they found it “rotten” or “fresh”…it isn’t just a simple average of scores. If you paid attention to what was being said by film critics that actually grew up with this content, you would know that it was the right amount of faithful and right amount of different that we just haven’t seen in these “childhood cartoon reboots”.

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The most important thing about this movie was the characters who were surprisingly all fleshed out and pretty relatable. They were all just kids dealing with their own demons…and it worked really well. The standout performance goes to RJ Cyler playing Billy/The Blue Ranger for some of the best acting I’ve seen in a big-budget sci-fi blockbuster, and for being talented enough to portray a character with a mental health disorder. Ludi Lin, who played Zack/The Black Ranger, was just fantastic as well. His performance and character almost makes up for all the crap that asian-americans have received in Hollywood in the past year. I was initially worried about Becky G (a teen pop-star) playing Trini/The Yellow Ranger..especially due to the immense pressure of doing justice to the original Yellow Ranger who passed away very young and was the only original who couldn’t make it to the movie…but I definitely regret doubting her because she convinced me that she was the only one in her family that “wasn’t normal” and struggled with it constantly. Even Jason/The Red Ranger and Kimberly/The Pink Ranger (WOOHOO THE FIRST INDIAN POWER RANGER. TOOK US LONG ENOUGH, DAMN. AND SHE’S FEMALE TOO? BLESS UP), who were the most “vanilla” characters in the original, got an arc each that was pretty realistic and relatable, which was awesome because my obsession with the Red Ranger started with “Time Force” season of Power Rangers where he was the “screw up” of the group. This reminded me a lot of that, and believe me when I say that you actually care about ALL of the Rangers…rather than watching a Transformers movie and secretly hoping that the main characters get run over. These were not some expendable teeny-boppers, this wasn’t an “edgy” reboot of characters you loved. These well-acted characters were teenagers with attitudes…they WERE the Rangers.

Even the bigger name celebrities actually felt like they wanted to be there, which is unusual for these kinds of projects. Bryan Cranston as Zordon was just awesome, and Bill Hader as Alpha-5 was a much less annoying but just as lovable version of the popular robot (HE SAID “AY YI YI” AND I WAS SO HAPPY). Oddly enough, I think Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa might’ve gone a little too 90’s on us, but hey it reminded me of the original Rita and I was fine with it in the end.

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The Rangers actually don’t spend that much time in their power suits, and I’m okay with that because they spend time developing the characters. They fall victim to some of the “origin story” cliches we’ve come to know and tolerate, but it really does almost feel like a sci-fi “Breakfast Club” for a bit. There is a drastic change in tone from when the movie starts to when Rita confronts Trini because they drag just a little bit in the second act and its as if the writers suddenly realized “Oh, wait a minute…we have to wrap this up and make the final fight happen! Uhh…okay here it goes!”. Additionally there’s some REALLY bad product placement in the movie and I almost wish it was toned-down a bit/wasn’t there entirely but hey, the final fight happens and It just keeps getting better. They say “It’s Morphin Time”, they fight the putty-patrollers, the theme song comes back (!!!!), the original actors for Tommy/The Green Ranger and Kimberly/The Pink Ranger have a cameo, the MegaZord vs Goldar fight happens and the entire theater applauded ALL of this (we had a great audience). This whole thing was the right amounts of knowing the source material, knowing how campy you have to be at times, knowing when seriousness is appropriate…my friends and I all loved it. There also IS a mid-credits scene that just made me happier. Guys, we’re getting a POWER RANGERS movie franchise that starts in 2017…and I couldn’t be more pleased.

I’m doing something different this time for my rating, I will just say this: IF  you watched power rangers as a kid in any capacity, you will like this movie. If you grew-up with power rangers and watched multiple seasons, you will LOVE this movie. If you didn’t watch much power rangers but know how to have stupid fun at the movies, you should give it a try. If you didn’t watch power rangers at all and just don’t care about sci-fi/superhero franchises and only watch “films”…please don’t see this and try to “filmsplain” it to casual moviegoers/people who love their childhood shows. You have no business watching this if you don’t have the nostalgia at all or don’t know how to have fun with dumb movies, save your money and your time and don’t be THAT guy that ends  up on /r/iamverysmart.

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As always, thanks for reading and I hope you’re as excited about a movie like this that respected its source material as I am! 2017 has been great for nerdy movies so far, lets hope it stays that way!

That’s all for now,
Soggz out!